the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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