gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
