I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
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fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
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official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
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