i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
