I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
