they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
