Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
