see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
