Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
