I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
