finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
