i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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