I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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