You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
