Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
