You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
