Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
