Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
