The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
