i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
