No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
