That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
