Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
it's great music for shaving your balls
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
