i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
