so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
