WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
