I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
