then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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