yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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