life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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