If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
