you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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