are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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