Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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