You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
