I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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