The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
