I heard we made out
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Randomize
