Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
