My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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