have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
