I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
