If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I just want to make out with him forever
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