1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Where did you get a picture of my penis
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
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