It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
