So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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