Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
