I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
