I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
