i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
