took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
