I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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