Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
