I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
