you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
