The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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