I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
