Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
