I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
