I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
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