Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
