You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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