So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
