i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
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Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
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WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize