I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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