So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
