Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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