i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
