we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
