She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
