I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
