I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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