I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
