brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
