Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
