i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
