Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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