I feel like abortions should bother me more
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
