Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
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