If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
