....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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