when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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