I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
