just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
