In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
