so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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